Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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