I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
