He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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