You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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