So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
