I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
