She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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