Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
