chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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