tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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