It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
