I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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