You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
