the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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