She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
