I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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