Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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