I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
