he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
