I wish my penis had an off switch
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
