Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sacagawea was the original milf.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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