U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
