I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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