Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
