If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
