You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
