It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
