I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
