I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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