Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
