i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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