haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
