i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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