i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
