Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
