the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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