I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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