scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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