Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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