can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
