it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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