and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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