He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
