I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
