Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
