how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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