Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
