Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If I die, sorry about rent.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
