life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
