Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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