I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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