loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she pinky promised me she was 18
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
