We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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